Hello.
It’s weird to finally dust off my blog and write again. I’ve struggled with WHAT to actually write about. How does one just jump right back into this?! How can I ever catch you up on the past 6.5 months?! I choose to post much more on my Facebook page this year, especially after cancer came back and metastasized all over in February. The blog, plus social media updating started to feel like “too much”. I wanted to save my energy and words for my family, my boyfriend (at the time) and my doctor appointments. 💕 This year has been the hardest of my life. 2019 has been ROUGH!! I’ve battled everyday, in so many ways trying to stay alive and have more time... more moments and minutes with all of those I love so much. ❤️ Cancer is so unfair, it robs us of so much- especially anticipated hopes/dreams. (Like becoming a Mom.) I have days where I vacillate between fear and hope. I try desperately to traffic in hope, even on days it doesn’t make sense. I choose joy. Well, I left off in March/April... I was able to get myself 100% off narcotics and out of the hospital in just 4 days... because of that I was able to start Folfiri chemotherapy just 6 days after my massive surgery to remove “Felicia” my 14.5cm tumor that had burst, plus my total hysterectomy and appendectomy. I was living to defy the 2-3 week life prediction my surgeon gave me when I woke up on Valentine’s Day morning. We got 4 rounds of Folfiri under my belt, and I made it to my families previously planned trip to Maui in April 2019! (My Dad had not been to Hawaii since 1973! 👀) It was such an awesome trip- so cool to share one of my favorite places with my entire family. 🌴 (Except Kyle!) Kyle had just started his first pilot job in Alaska, as a bush pilot, 2 weeks on-two weeks off. (So proud of him!) He also moved in full time. Things really started looking positive in April, we got my CEA numbers back down in the ‘manageable area’... I was healing, and once we got back from Maui I was going to be able to start radiation! (A milestone we never thought I’d make!) 💪🏻 Hours after touching down from Maui I had my first radiation treatment of 1 of 30! (30 days, every day.) Radiation was rough. Side effects were horrific, (I will save you the details) and I’m still struggling from my large field radiation treatments. Let’s just say I am VERY glad that’s behind me. I also was taking Dexamethasone everyday, talk about getting puffy in 6 weeks. 🤦♀️ This is like 5x the strength of prednisone... and steroids won’t mess with your emotions at all right?! Lol The real positive take away from radiation, is that I met and befriended two awesome nurses! I love these gals so much- they even came to my backyard Oktoberfest party just a few weeks ago! 😊 🙌🏻 June 5th was my final dose of radiation- targeted at one of the tumors they had to leave inside after my surgery! Zap-zap-zap!! June 12th Kyle broke things off with me. 😞 I’ve never loved someone so much- I’ve also never been so broken. I still am if I’m honest. I’m lost, and it’s hard to imagine any life without him in it... but, I’m fighting to LIVE. I can’t be sad, stressed, depressed... cortisol apparently grows cancer cells. I have had to try and find my “rally” this summer... but it felt like crawling on glass, with my breath knocked out. I’m trying. I’m breathing. I’m going to appointments. I’m working a few days a week. I’m waking up and paying bills. Traveling when/where I can. Life is moving forward... but I dearly miss him. Kyle was my rock since diagnosis. My best friend. It’s also probably a BIG reason I haven’t written a blog post in awhile. I’ve been sad... and not just about this crappy cancer stuff. I’m a naturally happy person and I’m fighting to find/maintain that. My little brother Mark got married to my new sister-in-law Amber August 24th!! When I woke up Valentine’s Day morning and was told I may only have weeks left, I wrote a wedding card to Mark and Amber- 6 months sounded like a lifetime away! Mark had asked me to be a “grooms-maid”... it was SO awesome to get there! To be apart of this epic celebration! I was able to give a toast to the newly weds and hand them (in person) the card I wrote in that hospital room- I’m defying the odds and I am already a living miracle!! I love LOVE!! 😍 I’ve now completed13 rounds of Folfiri, and we have unfortunately reached consistent progression while on treatment. (Ie. It’s not working anymore.) There really aren’t any options out there for me. My oncologist I’ve been with since Dx March of 2018 let me go and asked me to see one of her colleagues at another facility as she is out of ideas or options for treatment. 😳 I have now started with this new oncologist. I’ve doubled back on my first line of treatment “Folfox plus Avastin” in hopes to knock my CEA or tumor burden marker down... but as of yesterday- I’ve been informed Folfox is not working either and my number significantly went up again. 🤢🤮🤕 Breathe. Just keep breathing. I believe in MIRACLES. I believe in 4th quarter saves! (I mean, come on, I’m a huge Seahawks fan... you have too!) I have applied to many trials and been denied. I have a consult on the 21st with a surgeon at Swedish... I have had a PET, CT, and colonoscopy in the past 4.5 weeks and they have all been CLEAR?!? But my blood/tumor marker is climbing like crazy, and higher now than it was at dx. 🥴 It’s like a scary, messed up hide and seek game. There is a trial in NY that starts in January, and it would fit my tumor mutation... I’d just have to make it to January. I NEED this chemo to start working again, I need time! I know that was a lot of info- (like drinking from a fire hose!?) Plus, I’ve left out lots of fun details- like back yard bbqs, Oktoberfest parties, game nights, epic random gifts, trips, handmade blankets, etc. I’ll try to keep this blog updated better. So much love to ALL of you. Thank you for your unwavering support of myself and my family. We lost Grandpa Street this summer as well, and Grandma Street is in a care facility with a recently broken hip. Everyone has struggles on their plates- life in general is tough a times. It’s why community is so important. No one is an Island. I know I am NOT doing this alone. Thank you, it means the world to me. I really do have such an amazing life. Life is sweet- possibly short, but oh so sweet!! Drink deeply my friends! 💙 Almost a year ago (to the day) I sat in a nail salon. I was getting a pedicure, and the lady next to me was wearing a head scarf, face mask, and looked tired, translucent...like a “cancer patient.”
I recall feeling bad for her- her situation, her “bad-luck” in the cancer ‘lottery’ of life. Little did I know that just 10 days later on March 9th, 2018 I was going to hear the words that hung stale in the air- then fell, HARD: “I’m sorry, you have aggressive, advanced colon cancer.” I had just turned 36 on February 23rd... This news was NOT how I was expecting to start my year. How did I get here? I thought “colorectal” cancer was an elderly disease?! What did I do wrong to contract this? How much time do I have? These questions flooded my mind faster than I could verbalize them to the poor GI Doctor standing, equally surprised in front of me.😳 Every year I had my annual physical exam, blood work for my health care plan- the works. I ate primarily organic, I exercised, drank loads of water- I didn’t even “feel” sick. This must be a mistake. It wasn’t. Four days later I was rushed into an emergency bowel resection surgery. Seventeen inches of my colon were removed, along with a 98% blocking tumor- The Doctors found tiny tumor deposits on my peritoneal wall, and out of 39 lymph nodes removed, ONE contained cancer. I woke up from surgery to be informed that I had Stage 4c Colorectal Cancer, and I needed to meet with an oncologist as soon as I could leave the hospital to develop a ‘plan of attack.’ I felt numb. This can’t be happening. There’s loads of humor in cancer. I recall being asked if I had an Oncological “team” in mind. 🤷♀️ Really?! Who plans, researches, and such who would be their cancer “team” if and when they ever were to be diagnosed with it? I asked (semi-joking) if these doctors came with stats like baseball players, you know, survival rates, number of healed cases etc. That sure would make picking a random face off of the card handed to me a much more confident life/death decision. (Spoiler: they don’t come with stats.) Five days later I was released from the hospital with less cancer in my body, some significant pain, and more questions. I met my (face-off-of-a-card) oncologist and was informed I needed to start chemo asap. I was informed that my 5 year survival odds were 11%... I was told it was RARE to have this at my age, (average colorectal cancer age today is 65) I was tested for genetic mutations (I have none). Two weeks later I had a 2nd surgery to place a chemo port in my chest- and I was told I needed to heal for 10 days before we could start this speedy race of treatments. Sweet. I took my bruised, broken, sore, and stitched body to Hawaii for a week. 🌴 True story. If you take nothing else of my story, take this. Life is short. It is sweet, it is unpredictable and none of us are promised tomorrow. ❤️ Go and LIVE. Quit talking about “someday” - Go and do it!! My brothers, sister-in-law, and my boyfriend spontaneously hopped a plane to paradise with me. We pretended life was normal, soaked up sun, talked of HOPE, drank fruity cocktails, ‘painted our faces blue’ and prepared to fight. 💪🏻 Cancer (like life) is a lot about perspective. I have chosen for this past year, through every twist, turn, nauseous day of chemo treatment... painful surgery- biopsy, or scan that I can’t control any of this- but I GET to control my attitude. I get to bolster myself in HOPE. I get to choose joy on a daily basis. I get to make poop jokes. I tell people I love that I love them, freely. I drink deeply of this sweet thing called life, not knowing the years, days, hours or moments I have remaining. I get to believe that I CAN defy the statistics. To me, ‘survival statistics’ are like weather predictions. They are often wrong, and not something to focus on. Quit googling, it’s depressing, and go LIVE. Of the top (15) symptoms of colon cancer I only had (3) leading up to my diagnosis. I don’t say this to scare you- I say this to inspire you. The new recommended age for a colonoscopy is now 45- it’s NOT that bad. The “prep” is the hardest part- but the procedure is painless and quick. The peace of mind is priceless. A staggering 60% of colorectal cancer patients have few to no symptoms. Why did I have a colonoscopy two weeks into turning 36? My ‘annual physical’ blood test showed white blood cells slightly off. I complained about what I thought was the start of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I traveled a ton for my job the past decade including many international trips throughout each year. I’d often get constipated for 2-3 days after a long flight and then have diarrhea for a day, then back to my normal bowel habits for 3-4 weeks before another bout of constipation/diarrhea. I only saw blood on my stool a handful of times and it was tiny bright red streaks.... I figured maybe the start of hemroids due to my decade of work travel. I was never in pain. I was tired at the time, but I was in sales. January was the biggest month of travel/work I had ever done and I was maxed tired from the long days I put in on the road. Nothing was “crazy” obvious. My doctor ran a second blood test and said that it seemed like I might have an infection in my abdomen. He called my insurance company and got clearance for a colonoscopy, but he did it to look for the possibility of an IBD (irritable bowel disease) like Chrones or ulcerative colitis. NO ONE suspected cancer. Cancer does not discriminate. I was a mountaineering guide after college, a surfer who worked on the Oregon Coast, I was a long time track and feild athlete, a competitive weight lifter and multiple time Wonderland Trail hiker. I have worn many “hats.” Having colon cancer is just ‘part’ of my story, I am choosing that it is JUST a chapter, not the book. January 14th, 2019 I had my quarterly PET scan (it looks for tiny tumors, as small as 7mm in your entire body.) So far, my body has responded awesome to the chemo. It was my 3rd CLEAR PET scan and 3rd CLEAR colonoscopy since diagnosis! 💪🏻 We celebrated in my doctors office!! I was defying the colon cancer odds!! Days later I got a call that my tumor markers (CEA test) on my blood slightly went up- but no worries. We tested my blood again (just to be safe) 3 weeks ago. My CEA numbers doubled again. Weird. This was now reason for concern. I had a rushed ultrasound and 2nd CT scan which showed a tumor on my right ovary growing at a rate of 2 cm per day!! (Very rare and unheard of) February 13th, 2019 I was rushed into surgery as my brand new tumor burst and I was internally bleeding. A full hysterectomy, appendectomy, and removal of both ovaries happened. My body had QUIT responding to my chemo treatment and tumors were rapidly “blooming.” I woke up this Valentines Day to sad faces and heavy news. 😞 My abdomen was full on tiny-tiny tumors (that the surgeons couldn’t remove)- If we can’t reign in the tumor growth ASAP and they act like my one that just burst, (which I had lovingly named “Felicia”) I was given possibly 2-3 weeks to live. (Breathe) remember what I said about statistics? (And weather!) Today marks TWO weeks post surgery. 🙌🏻 I’m fighting this with everything I have, and more. I’ve already done a round of new chemo and I’m clinging to HOPE that between science, doctors and God I will get through this. Colon cancer is on the rise, especially in younger people. We need to invest into the “why” as a society. What is in our food, water, environment that is causing this?! Not all cancers are “pink.” March happens to be colorectal cancer awareness month. There needs to be more funding for a cancer that’s on the rise, rapidly. Dress in Blue- Book your colonoscopy- Don't ignore simple body signals. Quit making excuses, and choose to LIVE. Choose JOY. Love BIG. Drink deeply of this sweet thing called life. Hope with me! (And NEVER pity the girl in the pedicure chair next to you- she’s doing life, the one that was handed to her. She’s stronger than you think. She’s a warrior. 💙 and a rebel. We are told not to get them!!) Side note: My Birthday was this past weekend. Yeah 37!! 🥰 My first IV iron infusion was today (is that why I’m awake and wired at 3am?!) My first request to write and submit an article for a magazine was today?! (Boom!! Life goal!) My first meeting with my radiologist was today (apparently I’m getting lots of new sweet tummy tattoos as a radiology map!) I told her if she has to tattoo a squirrel on my stomach and it saves my life, I’m good with it! Hope with me friends. Fight with me. I’ve applied to 3 trials this week. (Two of which are testing my tumor for odd mutations!) but results can take 5-6 weeks. 💪🏻 WE NEED TIME. I’m on a new line of chemo. I’m clinging to HOPE in these rough seas. Thank you for sailing along with me. 💕 I am NOT alone. Well, that sucks. This week after having an ultrasound on Tuesday it was discovered that I have tumors blooming in my abdomen. (Breathe) It is moving very quickly and surgery is absolutely necessary. I’m looking at a full hysterectomy (and then some) on Valentines Day. ❤️ It will be an open surgery with the hopes to remove any visual cancer. I’m terrified of surgery again- but I want to LIVE! I have plans and hopes and dreams and I’m not stopping this fight. Thank you everyone for your support! I have a STAT CT scan today so that there is an more recent accurate map of my new tumors. My PET scan and quarterly colonoscopy were only 3.5 weeks ago and they were totally clear. My CEA numbers have been spiking on a dramatic rise the past 4 weeks. None of this change makes sense to my oncologists or medical team. BUT... we paint our faces blue and we fight!! 💪🏻 I ask that you all help me keep up the hope, when there will be days I don’t feel hopeful. Hug my family (they need it!) and make time for the things and people who matter.Life can be short- but it is oh so sweet!! ❤️
It’s 3am, and I’m laying here- wide awake. (Again.)
Maybe it’s anxiety over tomorrow- fear on the unknown results of my coming CEA test. Maybe it’s my new ‘hippo sized’ anti-biotics fighting the bacteria within. Either way, I’m awake- so I’m writing. I am not defined by my cancer. It is a ‘blip’ on the legacy of MY life. My identity is not marked by a disease. My disease is not due to anything I could have done/not done. My HOPE, and prayer is still for healing/100% remission- More time here with the people I love so much. I am a fighter. Get to know ME. I’m not done. No matter what tomorrow actually brings, or what the test results come in at- cancer does not change MY history, it does not get to write my future- None of us are promised tomorrow...choose how you will LIVE your life’s moments, minutes, hours, and days- they will quickly add up to your legacy. My name is Sarah Jean Trott. I am 36 years old. Born in February. (It snowed the night I was born.) Five feet, nine inches tall. (Kind of tall’ish for a girl) 🤷♀️ I have shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes. I am a daughter, and an only sister to two amazing brothers. ❤️ (and a pile of cousins!) I have two sister-in-laws (I guess one soon-to-be) who are dear friends, and a hoot to hang out with! I LOVE the ocean. Cannon Beach, Oregon is my happy place. It’s where I run when life is tough, when its time to celebrate, when it’s time to relax/escape. It’s my 2nd home, and a place my heart is always wanting to go! I’ve been to 17 countries and fewer states. I like my eggs scrambled. I took 4 years of French- and forgot almost all of it?!! But... enjoy the culture, history and romance of Paris. I’ve ALWAYS dreampt of being a wife and mother. My family are more than just ‘family’, they are my BEST friends. (And the older I get, I realize that is rare.) Speaking of rare, I love sushi!! (And Hawaiian Poké). Coffee is life. My drink: an iced americano I was an accomplished track athlete- and a High School track and field coach. I was an Olympic weight lifter, and a Washington State weightlifting Champion. (True story) 🏋️♀️ I am strong. (On many fronts) I literally grew up in a restaurant, Trotter’s Family Restaurant. (It was our family business.) 👍🏻 I LOVE people- I enjoy hearing their stories, and learning what makes them smile. I love to travel!! Seeing the world, experiencing different cultures, traditions, foods, smells- There are few things that excite me like travel. 🌎 I am an aunt, to two of the coolest, most intelligent, loving kind hearted kiddos. (And...to many friends who allow their kids to refer to me as auntie also! 🥰) I enjoy decorating my home! I find great joy in discovering a deal, repurposing a barn pick, offer-up score, or craigslist grab. I enjoy creating spaces and places for my antiques/treasures! I have been in outside sales for 10 years! 🤪 That’s insane to put in writing. I know way too much about glasses and sunglasses. I drove an adverage of 42K annually for 9 years! I am an emotional person. I often wear my heart on my sleeve. I talk, a lot. I think I was just born with more words to say. I am a terrible dancer, but still do it at times. I own my own home. (Or I’m owned by a mortgage?!) I was a mountain climbing guide in Canada, and worked with Young Life. (I still do when I get the chance!) I love to garden and happen to have cultivated an okay “green thumb.” I loved skiing! (I worked for 5 seasons at a ski resort.) I love Jesus. I swear sometimes. (Whoops!) My favorite car ever was my sage green rediculously lifted 2006 Jeep Liberty Renogade. I have 3 tattoos and 5 piercings. 😳 I have hiked the 100 mile Wonderland Trail around Mt. Rainier 6 complete times. I went to Bible College in England. I used to have a lisp and had to go to speech therapy. I can bake VERY well... but burn basic rice. I love to draw and paint. (Watercolors primarily) I REALLY enjoy singing. (BUT often get shy.) Spiders scare the daylights out of me- but... I grew up having pet mice. (Cinders, Gertrude and Sasifrace.) My first pets were two bunnies: Sunny and Skippy. When I ‘grow up’ I’d love my own personal petting zoo... 😉 It’s the best part at zoo’s and fairs. I collect earrings. And... chapsticks. (They are my retail therapy purchases apparently.) I’ve legally grown weed. (Surprise) I love to read. I majored in ‘outdoor recreation management’ and ‘English Literature’ from Western Washington University. I am a nerd, and a huge “word nerd.” I wear a lot of yoga clothing, but dont do yoga. I have two very obese cats- whom I love very much. Bella and Oscar... they are like my chubby, furry kids. My heart, mind and soul refresh and find peace in the outdoors. My best friend died at 29. I love big. I used to do theater, and was in MANY musicals. I have a hard time getting rid of clothes?! I love all things Hawaii. I’m a collector of heart shaped rocks and coral. I used to surf, my board was a hot pink 7’6 speed egg. I LOVE Christmas. The cheesy traditions, elaborate decorations and deep meaning/relevance of the season! I was never asked to a dance. I’ve been to the Munich Oktoberfest and wore my Drindl! Gardening and yard work makes my heart happy! I enjoy painting. I’m a night person, not a morning. I’m a hugger. Red wine. I prefer Gin over vodka. I’m a firm mattress fan, and back/ side sleeper- When I sleep!! UGH. 💤 The best part is, none of this 👆🏻 changes- It is WHO I am. I just also get the extra small “badge” of: I am a survivor, a thriver, a colon cancer stage 4c fighter. 💙💪🏻 Goodnight 😘 - Sarah Remember one line does not define the entire story. How do you sum up a year like 2018? 🤷♀️
A year that presented some of my life’s biggest challenges . A year, I was forced to face some of my greatest fears. 2018 was the year I first heard the words, “You have aggressive colon cancer.” It also was a year I fought like heck! It was a year my family and friends made “time” for the things that matter... it was the year my accounts continued to order even when I couldn’t see them in person due to my ‘lack of immune system’. It was a year I saw people (whom I love dearly) cry hard. It was also a year I saw people (whom I love dearly) grow big. My cancer diagnosis has not only brought “bad” into my life- it has brought perspective and HOPE too- not only to my life directly, but to so many around me. Many have reached out and offered support in so many ways. I have felt “love” in ways I never knew. I have learned great humility and had to let my shy inhibitions fly to the wind. I have learned to “talk about the tough stuff” and to listen more. I share openly my journey with colon cancer, in hopes it inspires others to truly LIVE. In hopes that one person gets “checked” who has made excuses for strange bodily symptoms. Colonoscopies are NOT a big deal- GET IT DONE. You are worth it. As I bid farewell to 2018- I usher in 2019 with so much HOPE. Hope for a cure. Hope for a miracle. Hope for healing. Hope for TIME! ⏰ I am journaling- writing my list of “Things I want to do/places I am going to see.” 🌎 I do well having a “plan,” hoping for a future- I severely hate wasting time! I enjoy dreaming of the next trip/adventure. I plan on doing a lot this year. I plan on loving BIG!! 💕 This coming year brings a wedding in our family 🤗 (My brother Mark and Amber in August!). It brings a 1st time ever family trip to Hawaii/Maui in April 2019 to celebrate LIVING -and 1 year with this stupid, unfair disease. (My dad hasn’t been to Hawaii since the 70’s!) 2019 brings another chance at getting healthy- and I plan on trying to loose some of this steroid/stress induced rapid weight gain. 🥦🍏💪🏻 I’d love to do the wonderland trail next summer- body willing! The list of goals is long!! Kyle has been home for Christmas, and although he’s busy with side work, family, and friends- it has been great to spend time with him! We hope for him to get a job in this area next year! (Yeah 2019!!) Mom retired in October from REI. It’s been nice to have her around, and she’s a huge help in keeping my world from spinning out of control. To say that you are tired/fatigued on chemo seems like such a silly understatement. My perspective?! If gaining weight, being exhausted and having other awkward side effects brings about killing my cancer- I would choose this over-and-over again. Life is SO sweet. It’s so short, and fighting to beat this is so worth it. 🙌🏻 Mom has helped keep my world looking somewhat normal- she is also my buddy to many of my oncology appointments. So tonight, I will raise a glass to 2018 for everything I’ve learned. For the pain it’s brought- So glad it’s moving further into my rear view mirror!! I raise my glass in memory of my friends I lost this year to cancer. ❤️ I raise my glass to the hundreds of people who have loved on me and my family in the most practical ways (Thank you!) I raise my glass to the surgeons, doctors, and nurses who have literally saved my life in 2018. Cheers to 2018!! Tonight I will raise my glass to 2019- that I may have the courage to face the uncomfortable. Strength to endure the process of killing cancer, and motivation to fight for my health! I raise my glass in hopes for clear PET scans and low/stable CEA numbers!! (Next BIG tests are January 11th and Jan 14th!!) 😳 I raise my glass to the dream of being a wife and mother- traveling the world- time with family and friends, and adventures in the mountains. I raise my glass to continuing living intentionally in 2019! May your year finish strong. May your hearts be filled with love. May you know your worth, your value. May you fight for your future!! Hope you all had a VERY Merry Christmas!! Here’s to a HAPPY AND HEALTHY New Year!! See you guys in 2019!! Much love, Sarah In light of this being the week that marks 6 months of my colon cancer journey, I thought it might be good to talk about what’s going on lately. 🤗 and that’s A LOT!
Many of you follow me on Facebook, and I have kept more regular updates on there. Sometimes finding time, and/or energy to sit down and write an update seems daunting or near impossible. Some days, I just don’t have words. Some days, I just don’t want to write it all out, because it’s like re-living the procedures/tests. 🤷♀️ Some days I don’t have “super human hope” and I cry. It’s a balance... it’s allowing myself a “new normal” and it’s embracing where I am today- at this moment- living THIS day well! ❤️ First off I’m ALIVE! (That small fact is a good thing!!) I have had many days were I feel so sick and everything aches (like you’re dying)... but I’m here, and I’m fighting daily.💪🏻 and I KNOW I will win this battle/this marathon of treatments. September was CRAZILY stressful on so many levels. My insurance quit covering meds, this forced multiple appeals and slowed everything down. With almost 6 weeks of no treatment, I personally petitioned drug companies, state programs, and directly with Multicare looking for any possible way to close the ever growing gap in my treatments. I finally received Avastin (the chemo/immunotherapy drug) at the 5.5 week mark, and it was donated by the manufacturer Genentec. (Thank goodness!!) 🙌🏻 I started a new chemo regimine called Xeloda (it’s pill form of 5-FU) and it messes with your digestive tract, and metabolism, energy levels- just like the infusion... (ie. I’ve gained nearly 50lbs since treatment started in April! 😳 That alone is so depressing!) I’m so tired of nothing fitting, and being exhausted all the time... BUT I’m trying to move my body more- even if it’s just walking. I’ve tolerated this new chemo very well- but as of October 14th my cobra coverage ended officially- and I am no longer able to afford the pill chemo. Such is Cancer life. Rolling with it. (Let’s also put it out there that I am so greatful for the Cobra option I did utilize after leaving Maui Jim, that plan and the generocity of coverage has been nothing short of a Godsend over the first 6 months of cancer care.) Thank you!!! 🙌🏻 I’m glad it was there!!! Multicare is helping cover me through the end of this year, then I hope to go on a state plan in the new year. (Soooo, back to 3 day infusions and big fanny packs!) Repeating:” I can do this.” So let’s talk about another interesting point- PEOPLE IF YOU FEEL SICK, HAVE BOWEL ISSUES, or think YOU could have colon cancer, UC, or diverticulosis... PLEASE see your doctor or medical provider. I am not Wikipedia doc. I say this out of love, but I honestly get letters, emails, messages, and texts weekly asking MY symptoms, and people often sharing theirs. Listen, I get it... doctors are expensive. Tests suck, and can be painful or uncomfortable, but PLEASE go get checked. Every story is different- I was working a ton first quarter, working out hard trying to lose weight and burning the candle on both ends. I was tired, but only had maybe 3 of the top 15 symptoms of colon cancer- and I was Stage 4. 😞 Symptoms of colon cancer can be: (But are not limited to) Constipation/Diarrhea, abdominal cramps, head aches, blood in stool (even if it’s a very small amount), change in stool shape or size, (ie. Narrow/pencil stool), Fluctuations in vision, fatigue, joint pain... I have nothing to “hide” and I want to promote early detection, early diagnosis, and early treatment. People- get checked if you have ANY concerns. Please don’t just ask me... all of our stories are different. Trust your gut. There... just a friendly public service announcement. I WISH I had an earlier inclination something was wrong and had followed it, my stage of cancer may have been much better/cureative! Last week I had the full gamut of tests- marking 6 months of cancer... I’m waiting on all of the results- PET scan info etc. (waiting is hard) but I feel so hopeful! 😊 I want this in my rear view mirror. I look forward to HUGE hikes, world travels, adventures, and family time. I look forward to the chance of having a child, getting married... Making a home! I dream of the future- but I am deeply living in the “daily” and choosing to find joy in the littlest of things. Happy Fall Y’all!! Embrace the cool nights- crisp sunny days and gorgeous colors!! 🍁 It’s stunning out! Drink the hot apple cider, wear the cozy sweater, hug the people you love, go to the pumpkin patch! Make time for what matters. Ps. My little brother Mark got engaged last weekend to Amber (in a pumpkin patch none the less!) I got to share in their day, and be the photographer- it was magical! I look forward to a family wedding, another sister-in-law and many memories to be made! ❤️ Very Exciting! LOVE AND LIVE DEEPLY THE DAYS YOU ARE GIVEN!! In a real way I’ve virtually lost track of ‘time’... That's a strange thing to say, since I’m owned by my crazy oncology calendar/schedule that gets updated and added to every visit. 😊 It’s packed with appointments, blood draws, urine samples, and infusion dates. Outside of that schedule I have PCP visits to address items like my chemo abscess with antibiotics etc. It’s the new “pace” of my life. I’m learning to breathe deeply- allowing myself to slow down and control the things only I can control, MY attitude and MY perspective. Its hard. I’m not going to lie. I find this leg of my journey to be so mental. My body is beaten down- things hurt- I ache- 🤷♀️ I guess I’m used to that now. The fatigue, the pokes, the scans... this is my new “normal” for awhile. Speaking of scans!! For those of you not on my Facebook- my PET scan was very positive and showed no advancement of my cancer currently!! (This chemo junk is working!!) My CEA has fluctuated a bit, but is also holding in a great zone... all good indicators that the steps the doctors are taking are beating back this stage 4 metastised colon cancer. IT WILL NOT WIN. 💪🏻 Life has been busy this summer- it’s a large juggle between appointments, naps and family time. (Interspersed with a bit of work, yard work, and a lot of phone calls!) I find myself struggling at times with anxiety. (That’s new for me.) My mind runs at night to a lot of the “what-it’s” and “is this my story?” And “How much time God?”. This week was hard, a friend, someone I personally know passed from the same disease, the same stage, that I have. It took me down, low. I’m sad to admit I questioned so much and found that I had to real-in myself, my mind and my perspective. I know every story is different, I know every BODY responds uniquely... I know God has the power to perform miracles. I know I am not alone. I’m not fighting this alone... Those “known” items are what I have clung too on some of my darker days. HOPE IS STRONG- it is real. But addressing my mortality also makes me human. So there you have it... I’ve been set on the ‘tumble cycle’... painful infusion, exams, and tests one after the other. We are looking at moving to a different type of chemo soon. It would be oral chemo twice a day, everyday and an infusion every 3 weeks. It would put the strain on my liver more vs my kidneys. It would hopefully lessen some side effect severity, while also bringing its own bag of tricks to the table. 🤷♀️ I am thankful I qualify for this possible newer med, but until it’s ready and cleared by insurance- I’m still on my regularly scheduled program! 😂 Soooo lets talk REAL life GOOD things! My tribe. My family. My friends. I am overwhelmed with so many people loving on me in so many ways! This sunny summer has brought last minute over nights, deep conversations in my back yard oasis, phone calls from long lost dear friends, my first chemo break at the end of July took me to the Oregon coast! (After 4 months it felt so good to GO somewhere!) I have a very weak immune system right now so large groups of people give me anxiousness.... or tight spaces when people cough and sneeze. I’m the weirdo who FLEES! I can’t risk getting sick, but I don’t want to miss living either! It’s a crazy tight rope balancing act! 😊 This early August brought a crazy huge fund raiser hosted by one of my amazing accounts and run by my good friend/account Mgr Kim Manthe! The final tally isn’t up, but all I can say is it was so sucessful! 🙌🏻 Also, My great girlfriend Deb from Maui Jim ran her own t-shirt fundraiser in my honor and SO many of you purchased those! I am humbled by the outpouring of encouraging support. Truly. Thank you! 🤗 It’s rough... but it’s an update. I’m going to add photos from the last month. My appearance is so much pudgier- my face is puffy...but those things are temporary and these pictures with the people I love most, those matter more. ❤️ Much love to all of you- I’m NOT walking alone in this. I’m choosing to hope- I’m choosing to smile and make the most of any hour. You should too. * last photo is me when I guided at Beyond Malibu circa 2006, up in the BC coastal range... I MISS being that strong. I look so forward to building that strength again! 💪🏻 It is pretty common place for me to feel this way- I can’t sleep. My body is so “all over the place” that rest, true, easy and deep sleep illudes me most nights. (Thus, resulting in 2am Monday night blog posts.)
Happy 4th of July... on the 5th!
It is crazy to think that on the 9th I am four full months into this crazy journey- Four months knowing that I have cancer. Four months of fighting for my life. Four months, in some ways, feels like forever... and in others, it’s just a blink in time. Four months fighting Stage 4 colorectal cancer... it’s still so surreal. 😳 I am 2.5 months into chemotherapy treatment and about to face my 6th round on Monday. I am so thankful for the warm, sunny, and beautiful weather we are getting these next few days before another round of treatment. The sunshiny ‘back yard naps’ feed my soul- and the heat feels sooooo good on my body! Vitamin D is good for everyone- but especially cancer patients and people with compromised immune systems. BRING ON THE SUN! ☀️ 💪🏻🙌🏻 Suns out- Ports out! It’s weird, people will say, “You don’t even look sick.” Which is so good, I guess... but it’s hard when you feel “sloth mode” and nausous, tired, dizzy, weak or whatever- you still look like ‘yourself.’ Outward appearances hiding inward battles. With these warm days I’m wearing tank tops and people see my port... they notice my pic line in my neck, my scar on my chest... the bulge of the port itself. It’s a real conversation starter! 😂 And really, aside from my sassy shorter hair the only other outward expression of my disease. That and my extreme puffiness and rapid weight gain due to the steroids. Ugg. This is a season though, and I know that no one else is focusing on my recent chubbiness! (Get over yourself Sarah!) 🤦♀️ So, onto new updates and concerns! Newest update is my CEA (or tumor marker) blood test... I get this done every 4 weeks- but blood tests done weekly to check my blood cell counts and proteins etc. My CEA prior to surgery was 4.2... it has rapidly fallen and is currently 1.0!! 😳 This is insanely positive and a great sign that my body is receptive to the treatment! This does not mean I am healed, or that I can stop treatment... yet. But- I’ll take this awesome news any day! My 1st PET scan since treatment has started is now being scheduled for the week of July 30th. I have apprehension and equal excitement for this... PET scans are crazy uncomfortable... IV, catheter, black room, radioactive injection...lay still in a tight tube, listen to a whirling scanner.... but it will give a better picture of what my cancer is/or isn’t doing! I am hoping and praying my PET scan is clear!! 💪🏻 Awesome news.... I have NO treatment the week prior to my scan, and that week magically falls on my families annual trip to Cannon Beach Conference Center? ! What a crazy, unplanned, awesome coincidence- I may not be there the entire week (with dr appointments and all)- but I’ll get to do a tradition our fanily has done since I was 8. 😊 Anything “normal” feels so good! Lets talk insurance. As I sit right now my insurance coverage ends in October. 🤕😳 I am beyond thankful for the epic insurance I have, and can’t imagine these past few months if I wasn’t under my cobra plan. 🙌🏻 I’m trying not to stress or obsess- but where I am now is looking for insurance on the open market- and with a positive cancer diagnosis and being in ‘current treatment’ I am unable to find ANY plan under $2000+ a month!! These are aweful plans too- 50/50 or worse, with really high deductibles. Legallly insurance companies can not deny you- but they can price you out of your care. (Sigh) I’m fighting cancer 1st and foremost- life is short and that’s my priority... but it’s a concern to pray about. What does my day-to-day look like? Right now, gardening- walks (to avoid blood clots with Avastin)- time with friends and family- naps- working remotely via phone and email (on off weeks) - lots of oncology appointments... and repeat. Life looks sooo different from 4 months ago- but my perspective has changed too...I’m finding purpose doing smaller things. I’m slowing down my “busy.” It’s so weird to wake up in the same city!! I’ve traveled as a rep for 9 years. I’m choosing to drink deeply each day. Learning a different pace isn’t a bad thing. ❤️ Much love to all of you for reading, commenting, supporting, and loving me from near and far! Thank you! - Sarah |
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