Cancer feels like one of those epic roller coaster rides. The ones you have be to an adult or very tall adolescent to ride. Your adrenaline starts pumping as you get closer to the boarding line... You hear others before you screaming in excitement - and others pure fear. It’s finally your turn to board, you step on and they lock down the massive over the shoulder harness... and you’re off!
The past 5 weeks I have had (4) surgeries and 23 doctors appointments! All of those were just the “minor” adventures, the small ‘hills’ leading up to the slow “click-click-click” as the cancer roller coaster slowly rises to the top of the BIG hill, the hill that will drop you in a face-first flying plummet, spin you upside down, and send you for the ultimate “loop-to-loop”.... Today I finally crested the hill and let out a faint ‘weeeeee’ as I started my intense, every other week- FulFox Chemotherapy treatments. All of the other procedures and surgeries were a ‘build up’ and preparation for today. Day #1 of Chemotherapy is almost in the books. (3) different Chemos- (3) hours of infusion, a cribbage game, and lunch later- and I was sent home with a 4th Chemo on my hip for a 48 hour infusion. (Yes folks, I now wear a heavy, large fanny pack- all day and all night with a fatty needle into my port hole!) Good thing the 80s are coming back- fanny packs are becoming all the rage! 💪🏻 I'm feeling okay... very tired, and slightly weak. My muscles ache like I have the flu, but I’m not feeling extra nauseous (yet.) I am very thankful for that, and just enjoyed a nice dinner of hot salmon salad on open-faced toast! (Thanks Jake and Jeni for the Salmon!) We have so many yummy, lovely left overs from my “Pre-Chemo” party we randomly hosted yesterday! I was blown away by the number of amazing people who came to laugh with me, eat with me, and give the best hugs! Again, thank you everyone for loving me and my family SO well. As for the pathology news we have ALL anxiously awaited for nearly 4 weeks since my tumor removal- I met with Dr. Buhler, Kyle, and my folks prior to the chemo infusion. She went over how my pre-chemo blood tests were excellent- and that I looked very good and healthy! (Yeah mission Vitamin D, Maui Style!!) 🌴🙌🏻😊 She then said, “As for the tumor markers, YOUR TUMOR TESTED NEGATIVE FOR THE B-RAF mutation!!” Amen 🙌🏻 It’s a miracle!!!!!!!!!! God is good. 😍 I guess I am positive for a ‘K Ras’ mutation, but that is not a “negative” and just changes one of my meds I will recieve later in treatment. So, here we are. Sitting on the couch- Netflix about to start, listening to the ‘woosh, woosh, woosh’ of the portable pump push life saving poison into my body- marveling at the past 5 weeks, and wondering just what lies ahead. Paint Your faces BLUE. Prepare to fight this battle HARD with me- I have so much living left to do. Drink deeply in life friends- make time for what matters. Drink deeply the time spent with those you love. Book that trip. Go to the appoinment you are scared of... laugh at the jokes YOU find funny. Wear what makes you feel beautiful. Climb that mountain. Take that hike. Live freely, no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow. Don’t delay- please promise me YOU will choose to LIVE a bit more- if it is even only more intentionally. ❤️😘 Good night my friends- What a beautiful tribe I have behind me. I KNOW I am not alone.
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I love Island time. It takes awhile to transition to the slower paced, I’m not in a hurry, let’s sit for a bit lifestyle- but when it happens? It’s sweet.
For an entire wonderful week we do not have a single Doctors appoinment- procedure, or surgery. Amen!! 🙌🏻 Kyle and I arrived Monday night and were exhausted- I feel like packing for this trip was so tricky for me... A.) I was not planning on an April Hawaiian vacation. B.) My body is weird’ish now... my “go-to” clothes don’t fit well, or rub my port and my tummy incision etc. Even my basics, like my swimsuits all hit in the wrong spots. 😝 C.) Meds, baindaids, wound cleaners, masks... My once “easy” packing became this exhausting task of trying not to forget cruicial stuff. 🤷♀️ Poor Kyle has been with me since the day after my diagnosis, 4 weeks ago. He flew here with very little! We did a random late night run to Target for a swimsuit and a pair of shorts! All that said.. I am SO happy to be here- In one of my happy places- With one of my favorite people. I am trying to be present in every moment. Smell every flower- stand in the water... feel the sunshine on my face and shoulders. I am intentionally DRINKING DEEP these days on Maui. No cancer update on this blog post folks. Just about life and the joy of living it! ❤️ Tonight we get to go on an amazing real ‘date’ to the Lahaina Grill (courtesy of my Aunt and Uncle and Calvin and Farron Curry!) What a special treat! The weather called for wind and rain today- but we were given sunshine and turtles! (Dont trust what you read on the internet folks!! Not with cancer, or weather predictions...If you do, you may miss out on some glorious living!) 😎 So... on our 3rd’ish day of ‘operation vitamin D.’ I write you from the beach- sitting on DT Fleming in Maui... salty skinned, slightly sunburnt- while Kyle fishes off the south bluffs. I’ve forgotten a few times today that I have Stage 4 colon Cancer. and THAT. That is a good thing. So many Mahalos to everyone for your words of wisdom and support. Thank you for loving on me (Kyle and my family) so well, so tangibly. Thank you for believing with Us...HOPING with us. It really does make a difference. (I read everyone of your comments!) I am not so nieve to know that there WILL be rough, cloudy and less easy ‘sunshiny’ days ahead- Those are the days I will look to ALL of you for the words of encouragement- hope- perseverance. I promise... I am very aware I do not, and can not go this journey alone. I love to dream... and today I feel like I’m living in one. 😎🙏🌴 Highlights?! GREAT friends on the Island- quality conversations, and epic encouraging words! Sweet baby snuggles, walks through tropical gardens, flowers... and sleeping in! (Come on, solid sleep is a definite WIN!)) 💪🏻 It is so good to see so many from my Ohana! ❤️ So this past week seems like a big blur. Monday started out with my chemo port installation surgery. This procedure proved to be the scariest so far for me- all of the inherent risks seemed to psyc me out. (More than I should let it.) They warned me of clotting, swelling, and infections that could go systemic quickly. I kept reminding myself (as tears quietly rolled down my cheeks during pre-op) “Sarah, this port could save your life- these people are fighting to SAVE your life!” My port surgery was a bit traumatic because I was apparently “resistant” to the meds they were going to use to put me under. (A small number of people are.) After 2.5 full doses, the doctor had them drape my face, and nurses held me down and they injected lidocaine shots into my chest and peck region- I was WIDE awake, alert, and felt every stingy poke! 😢 They then did the procedure as a nurse sat, holding my hand and looking at me as I cried softly under my hood. It was traumatic- but it is also finished. I am okay, and this port WILL save my life. 💪🏻 It just currently feels like an Elephant kicked me in the chest! Tuesday was another small procedure, but still another IV and a quick “nap” under more anesthesia. Later in the day was my oncologist appoinment, chemo pharmacist appoinment, and oncology nurse appoinment. Mom, Dad, and Kyle attend these with me. It is helpful to have lots of ears during important meetings. I think we all entered the Oncology appoinment apprehensively. This is where we would find out the results of my PET scan, and possibly learn if my tumor carried either of the two “chemo” resistant indicators. The time had come, and my Oncologist Dr. Buhler said, “Your PET scan was completely CLEAR- crossing it with your CT scan I see no need to rush Chemotherapy's start this Friday.” My heart jumped! I felt like everyone in the room took a deep breath- this was the first good news! ❤️🙌🏻 She let us know that I need to do a full colonoscopy prior to Chemos start, and one was booked for Friday April 27th- Just 5.5 weeks post bowel dissection surgery?! (The colonoscopy is the least of my worries at this point! Funny how time, situation, and circumstance can change so much in ONE month?!) The worst part about the colonoscopy is the prep... the terrible drink that makes you run to the bathroom constantly, best part?! The peace of mind, and the “Michael Jackson” sleep drug you get- that one works for me and I wake up feeling like a million bucks! Chemos official start date is April 30th. 🤢 She also let us know that the additional pathology for the tumor indicators had not returned yet, and could take up to a month. I will take this good news and not dwell in the unknown waiting. Then- she looked at Kyle, Mom, Dad and I and said- “Leave. Take a trip. Go get your vitamin D levels high... You have two weeks before aggressive chemo starts and you will not be able to travel for the long, foreseeable future.” Apparently high levels of vitamin D are a big deal for Chemo patients, and I am seriously iridescent currently! 😳 We sat stunned. She informed us that she was serious and we “Needed to make this happen.” Once Chemotherapy starts it will be every other week... 3x a week- for a long undefined time. Yes, I asked... we are talking more than 6 months, every-other-week. Sooo, with flight miles, helpful family, crazy deals, and amazing friends giving us a free place to stay- Kyle and I are flying to Maui early Monday morning for one week?! Sunshine, walking, sleeping, and surgery recovery here we come. LIFE IS MOVING SO FAST. This story, this ride, this crazy adventure is writing itself- One day at a time. Please pray that the flight would be “uneventful” for me- my port is still very sore, my body is squishy, and much weaker than 1 month ago... but I’m always down for an adventure, and if vitamin D is ordered... I will try to get as much as possible. 😍 Pray for sunshine! We then met with the chemotherapy pharmacist for about 2 hours... this meeting was called “conscious consent” and it was a bit daunting- slightly funny- plus equal parts overwhelming. We learned of my Chemotherapy “plan”- ALL of the products they would be putting in me, methods, and how often... We talked in-depth of the side effects, what to expect... and fears. I’ll save you lots of time, and words. To boil it down the game will be ugly. The style will be very aggressive (not one they would use on Eldery Colon cancer patients.) The goal is LIFE. Ready?! Breathe. Let’s go. The basic mission? Balance med induced constipation, with med induced diareaha and vomiting. Try not to lose more than 30% of your body weight- and let’s totally KILL this Cancer. ❤️ This weeks high-lights! Epic meal train meals- quality time with solid, long term, encouraging friends...finishing my planter boxes! (Hoping to plant tomorrow!) Table dancing babies and time with cousins - family I love. Life is sweet, and lately, the wine tastes sweeter. Live deeply friends. Live intentionally deeply. Chemo Port was successfully installed this Monday. I hurt, but I’m home... with ALL the port risks, this thing also offers ALL the hope for kicking cancers butt. It’s actually fished into my heart, and will distribute the chemotherapy soon. 💪🏻🙌🏻 Time to go home and rest... So much LOVE to you all!
My Dad, Mom and Kyle worked on my yard Monday after surgery and posted me up in the sunshine. Apparently vitamin D is good for Cancer peeps!? Ill post more soon, but here’s the first part of this week! ❤️-Sarah P.S. Pray my body and heart accept the port, quit fighting to clot around it, and go back to regular beats. Such an awesome scientific tool... I’d also love prayers for the pain... this thingy seems to hurt like an elephant punched me in the chest. Also, This weekends HIGHLIGHTS... include my awesome neighbors stopping in and checking on me while Kyle was gone over the weekend. An epic laughter filled dinner with my girl cousins (full of HOPE, prayers and tears.) Mark and his girlfriend Amber stopping in to cheer me up/visit! Plus- lots of high quality naps!! 💤💤💤 Celebrate the small victories folks! ❤️ I do not google. Maybe I should have for my PET scan today, but I didn’t. I don’t want to get in ‘my head’ and worry about things that may/or may not be in MY story. When this entire process started (not even a month ago!!) 😳 I couldn’t sleep, so I’d google, and discover fears I never knew could have exsisted. I avoid this practice now! This multiplied quickly as people would send me terrifying articles privately through Facebook and email. (Ps. Please don’t do that, lol.) So today, I had my first PET scan... basically an awkward, painful experience all around. When Kyle and I showed up I thought I’d be drinking a yucky substance like my CT scan...oh, was I wrong! 🤕 This one is RADIOACTIVE and injected into my veins through a phatty IV. I’m a bit over people placing IV ports in me...but I also know they are trying to SAVE MY LIFE and these pokes, jabs, stings are just making me stronger- 💪🏻 (and I’m pretty sure if I was to walk through an airport scanner today, it would be awesome- I’d light up their machine!!) Quickly following my IV installation, I was informed of need a catheter. WHAT?! I’m awake!! Yup, due to the portions of my body they were looking at- I’d need a catheter... Oh, and zero anesthetic. 😳 I was told, “This will be uncomfortable...” Holy freaking goodness- understatement of the century. Ugg. Then they turn out the lights. You lay alone in a pitch black room trying ‘not to panic’ after they inject you with a syringe that arrived in a metal container with a “radioactive” label (like the Simpsons!) pasted to the side. The techs are all dressed in protective clothes as they administer this into your bare arm... and all you have on is a hospital gown. I felt a bit exposed... but, again... they are trying to save MY life. I forget this... because I really don’t “FEEL” sick- Until all these surgeries, treatments, procedures... I didn’t even look sick. (Now, I’m so pale!! Like iridescent... I need some color people!) They have poked all my excellent veins so many times, they have retreated and hide, like “Heck, no... vampire doctors.” This brings me to Monday- Monday is my next Surgery, checking in at 7:00am. I will get my chest installed Chemo port- to help “limit” the pokes and have a constant available vein for blood draws and chemo administration. I hold HOPE. I honestly DO NOT believe Cancer is, or will be MY story. It’s a major bump, a hurdle, a pain (literally) but... it does not define ME. Taking the next steps... next. What my days “look” like you ask? Appointments, naps, more appointments... petting my cute cats... cribbage games...watching movies, house projects being worked on by Kyle. Friends stopping in (cheering me up, making me laugh, plus bringing yummy food!!) ❤️ Thank you friends and family for hoping with me- and LOVING me so well through these long days of waiting. It’s a bit ironic that Easter this year fell on April Fools. Easter is all about Jesus, his resurrection, and joyful NEW life...I read so many funny posts from friends who also celebrated by hiding vegetables in Easter Eggs, and other fun, harmless, silly jokes.
I wish I could say that my cancer was actually a TERRIBLE April Fools joke. I wish more of my doctor appointments focused on “Life” and less on preparations and “what if” cenarios. It’s a fine line to walk- Not wanting to be the ostrich with your head in the sand, but also avoiding running all the way down the field (medically speaking). It’s a daily decision to stay in the moment, appoinment by appoinment- taking each day, and every test, one at a time. Otherwise, it gets swampingly overwhelming. Its been a solid, solid week since I wrote a blog post- I’m just wading through doctor offices, medical appointments, and surgery clearances. Last Tuesday March 27th, during my 1st Oncology appointment - I sat nervously in the room with my parents and boyfriend- I was causally informed that my cancer stageing has been adjusted. I was no longer Stage 3B, I had been elevated to Stage 4 Colon Cancer. The next 3.5 hours of conversations, consultations, questions etc resulted in a mix of blood pumping in my ears, and the voice of ‘Charlie Browns Mom’ in the background. Thankful for Kyle and my folks, and the notes they took. Ultimately, pathology came back and of the 39 lymph nodes they took during surgery only 1 presented cancer! (That’s good! I think...) The 4-5 other biopsied sights in my abdominal wall that looked discolored or questionable all came back positive for tumor transfer. 😞 That being said... we felt very well taken care of, heard, and informed during one of the hardest doctors appointments of my life. We were informed that more pathology was going to be done on my tumor and that 2 specific indicators were being checked for- If I presented either of those my tumor would be considered “untreatable” as both those indicators have been classified as Chemo resistant. (WE are praying I do not have either of those tumor indicators!!) ❤️ Instead of our families traditional Easter Church Service and Brunch, plus ‘egg hunt’ at my Aunt Sues- My Brothers, Kyle, sister-in-law and brothers girlfriend and I decided to keep things small and run away to Cannon Beach for two nights to a rented beach house. I can’t get sick these next few weeks- and being around large groups of people and sick kiddos wasn’t really an option. The long car trip was a bit exhausting with my large incision bouncing around- but we made it and it felt great to have sunshine on my face and sand between my toes! 😍 Our trip was wonderful- full of laughs, lots of coffee, naps, sunsets, and excellent conversations. Next steps: 3 Doctors appointments today (writing this while waiting in a parking lot currently!) 😜 PET scan this Thursday. 1 Doctor appoinment Friday Monday 9th:Chemo Port surgery Tuesday 10th: Oncologist Appoinment Wednesday 11th: Doctors appoinment and small procedure. Thursday 12th: CT and 2nd Colonoscopy Then... we start aggressive Chemo. 💪🏻 Thank you so much to my meal train participants (we are eating well!) and my go-fund me donators. I am blown away by the support I’m receiving through all of this!! |
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