How did an entire month go by? Where did June go!? How is today July 1st?
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I may have Stage 4 metastasized colon cancer, but today- I am so happy. I don’t know if it’s the summer weather... or the feeling of finally starting to “come-out-of” this weeks edition of the ‘chemo sickness’, but I’m happy and VERY hope-filled!
Lets talk chemotherapy. I’m getting loads of questions and I haven’t really addressed any in a public way (yet). There is very little out there in the way of being able to accurately describe just how someone will feel on chemo. The oncologist and nurses try, but they’ve never experienced it themselves. Online is just plain SCARY, and asking another cancer patient honestly results sometimes in stories you don’t want to hear. (It would be like heading into battle as David and being told YOU'RE about to be facing a Goliath)...somethings are better left discovering for yourself as you turn each page, each day. So, I can only speak to my personal experience... but after 3 full rounds of chemotherapy I can tell you this: It sucks. It’s making a bi-weekly conscious decision to make yourself feel really ill. 🤢 You go into the oncology center and they “access” your port (aka: stick you with a large gauge L shaped needle) They then start by giving me my pre-meds, and multiple syringes of sterile saline (which by the way I can taste and smell as they inject it into my port.) Pre-meds consist of a long lasting anti-nausea shot, steroids, and some sugar water. (Ironic as sugar is something cancer feeds off of.) After those all infuse they come back and we start the ‘real fun’- I feel “fine” most of the time, but I get a bit weirded out when they try to produce a blood draw out of my port hole, I can feel them “pulling” deep inside me, which kind of grosses me out! Once I have a positive blood draw they start infusing my Folfox ‘concoction’. During this long infusion the biggest side effect I get while there is just sensitivity to cold, a bit of fatigue, and that’s about it. They send me home plugged into my 5-FU fanny pack punp, and I wear that (no showers) for another 48 hours. Lesson learned... take a really nice long shower Monday mornings! 😆 Otherwise, this girl gets stinky! Once home the side-effects get worse- I can’t reach into my fridge without extreme sensitivity to cold. I wear gloves all over (even in summer) and my feet are always freezing. (I now am the proud owner of slippers!) Stepping into the shower sends shocks up my legs as the shower floor is too cool and the neuropathy is too strong! (Thanks, oxaliplatin). Washing my hands after anything hurts- like pins and needles. I only drink warm or hot liquids and foods. (Cue: microwaving watermelon chunks and green grapes... Mmmmm!) MY NOSE CONSTANTLY DRIPS. It’s like a super power, and super annoying. (Kleenex is my pocket buddy.) Constipation is a constant. My head feels like it’s spinning- it’s like you just rode the tea-cup ride at the fair, after eating that giant funnel cake kind of spinning. Sometimes I have to just sit on the floor and close my eyes to slow the rotations down. I drop things. My fingers just randomly let go... whoops.🤭 But, I’d say my most irritating side effect is I absolutely lose my train of thought. It’s like ADD brain x100. (Hey look, squirrel!!) I can’t hold a conversation without rabbit trailing alllllllll over the first few days I’m on the 5-FU pump, it’s painful. I’m so used to recalling everything, and being an absolute elephant in the memory department. I hate that I struggle to remember little things- like even my own phone number! 🤕 Followed by 3 days of a chemical headache that does not go away, even with meds. All this said. I’m happy. I’m walking daily in so much support and love- and HOPE. I’m napping (Fatigue is legit.) and I’m moving slowly. The sloth is my current “spirit animal.” But- I’m MOVING, and I’m ALIVE. ❤️ So, would you like a few funny stories? Of course you do! Telling perfect strangers you have cancer at a young age isn’t something I try to do often, in fact I avoid it mostly... it’s always awkward at best. Twice now I have had horrible moments in restaurants. 😂 Cue tonight at Bonney Lake Trappers Sushi. Apparently they are having a fund raiser to get a $5 donation from EVERY table for cancer research. (Pretty vague- no word on who’s doing the research or what kinds of cancer, but I support cancer research!!) 💪🏻 So our table dutifully donates a crisp $5 bill to our waitress and keeps visiting. A few minutes later a bus boy/waiter comes over and asks if we had donated yet. We politely said ‘yes’ and kindly dismissed him. He didn’t take a hint and KEPT talking- letting us know it’s ‘okay’ to donate more than once and give more because “cancer research is important”. I said, we already donated, and yes, I totally agree- I have cancer myself. Thank you.” Nows when it gets awkward. He goes, “Cool, cool, my Grandma had colon cancer- that ones bad, she got other complications from it and then died from it.” I interrupt him and say, “I too have colon cancer.” Which he nervously followed by “Oh awesome” and “Woah, yeah, well f* cancer- good luck with that.” And walked away. Seriously?! 🤦♀️ The same day I had my chemo port installed my boyfriend and friend Becca and I went to a late breakfast since I couldn’t eat for 2 days before- Here we are at a breakfast diner RIGHT next to the hospital, I’m wearing an ice pack on my shoulder, a belly binder, and a hospital bracelet. Obviously fresh out of the hospital. We sit. Waitress: Ready to order? Me: yes, I’m starving! Waitress: Why? Me: I just had surgery. Waitress: For what? (At this my boyfriend looks over his menu like, really?!) Me: (politely) I just had my chemo port installed. Waitress: Oh, isn’t that for cancer? What kind of cancer do you have?! (Mind you she’s a 40 something lady) Me: I’d like some coffee. I have Stage 4 colon cancer. Waitress: Stage 4? That’s REALLY bad. Kyle: Id like coffee too. (She finally leaves- Becca joins us after locking her dog up) Becca: Have we ordered yet? Us: Just coffee, super awkward waitress.... Waitress: Here you go (sets coffee down, turns to Becca) Can I get you some Cancer also? (Mic drop.) Becca: Errrrr.... No thank you on the cancer, but I’ll take some coffee- Me: Don’t worry I have both! Life is funny and awkward my friends. I feel bad for both wait staff- I honestly tried not to tell them I had cancer, I wasn’t trying to blow their minds or throw them off. Lesson tonight?! Think before you speak! 😂 I want to mention something that I find is JUST as important (if not more so...) than the drugs, doctors, surgeries etc.
It’s mindset. It’s where I choose on a daily basis if I am going to be a “Fatalist” or a “Fighter”- When I used to take people up mountains, I would constantly remind them that mountaineering is 80% mental- 20% skill, physical ability, etc. On a cold, dark, and freezing morning the LAST thing anyone wanted to do was get out of the comfort of their warm sleeping bag and safe tent. ⛺️ It’s easy to make excuses and stay in the “tent.” It’s easy to blame weather, fatigue or anything else to avoid the next steps up the mountain... but you CHOOSE to unzip the tent, and you put on the gear, and you want to know why? Support. You have a team of people with you, people who may feel strong when you feel weak, people who you will clip into on the rope team, people you trust....Who will match you step-for-step as you push yourself past ALL of your perceived limits. Past your fears... So, you DECIDE to get up and get out of that tent. You put your boots on. You take that first icy, scary step. My cancer journey so far feels much like mountaineering. One icy scary step at a time. Do not get me wrong, the ‘pay out’ at the end may be a bit less ‘beautiful’ than a spectacular summit- but WHEN I beat colon cancer, I believe I will take a deep breath of fresh air, and the feeling of a crazy accomplishment will wash over- just like a satisfying 360 degree, wild and free view on a remote mountain top. Both experiences will leave those that witness them speechless, and they will undoubtably be able to say they have seen the hand of God at work! 💪🏻 Beating this Cancer will be nothing short of a miracle. (Good thing I believe in those!!) 😊 The reason I can get up EVERYDAY and choose to face this journey with grace, humor, and tenacity to fight is because of my ‘rope team’ aka. My epic support crew. ALL OF YOU. I am stumbling (literally) for the last 8 weeks through one of the scariest experiences I have ever faced, and I have been flooded with LOVE, support, and encouragement in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I am strong because I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS FIGHT. 💕 From my Mom taking work off the day I was diagnosed with Cancer- to sleeping in the hospital room alongside me after my bowel dissection...cleaning my home, taking care of my cats. She and my Dad literally stepped up and became my hands and feet when I couldn’t use them. They have sat alongside me for difficult appointments, advanced directive discussions, and painful procedures. Kyle. ❤️ Kyle was the first person I told I had cancer too on the phone- I still can’t get a coffee at the Starbucks I called him in front of- I was numb. The words were rough- and tears finally came. I hadn’t even made it home from the colonoscopy yet- it was a surreal conversation. Within hours he was already driving to the Phoenix airport to catch a red-eye. He stayed by my side for nearly 7 weeks, attended every appoinment, meeting, and surgery me. He cried with me. Held me when I’d cry. Lifted me when I had zero abs and couldn’t get in or out of bed independently. He was my rock during the darkest days. He ran towards the “Fire” when many lesser Men would have easily ran away. I miss him these past few weeks- but I’m so proud of him going back to AZ to finish what he started! He’s one amazing pilot! My neighbors! No joke my neighbors have rallied on either side of me. (Good thing I made those Christmas cookies this year and won their love! 😉 A little pre-Cancer diagnosis prep!) Bill has pressure washed my patio, grabs mail for me, blows my driveway, and ‘loves’ on me in most practical retired neighbor ways! Amy and Melissa? They have weed whacked my ditch and visited so often. We are taking our fence down between the houses and are getting bids to replace it together! They check on me, both work in medical, and have been an endless sounding board and resource- RIGHT NEXT DOOR?! When I needed a huge at home inter-muscular shot, they came over and gave it to me! (Saves Kyle’s and my relationship too! Lol) 🙌🏻 My Brothers- Carl and Mark: These two men are going to help tag-team Monday Chemo sessions- as this is a Marathon of a cancer attack and not a sprint. They have shown up in ways I can’t even describe. Made epic trips happen. Made time together a priority. I have seen a different side in my relationships with my Brothers... Cancer has, and is changing all of us- in awesome ways. They have filled my fridge with organic foods, made gallons of green juice, made me laugh, and listened to endless conversations. I love them dearly. Friends: I can’t even list you all.... Marcy, Becca, Jenni and Jake, Loyal, Chad and Kristine, Amber, Debbie, Kenny, Kim, Calvin and Farron- I have had friends drive me all over places, pick up random necessities for the hospital, loan big tools for projects, organize meal trains, bring a spare bed at the drop of a hat... install crazy backyard fixtures, help plant my garden, juice veggies for hours, start a ‘go-fund-me’, create shirts to sell for a fundraiser...The list is endless. This isn’t even addressing those who have given financially!!! Those who have sent CRAZY thoughtful gifts. Accounts, (who are more my friends) who support me in supplying contacts! Even work- Etnia (my boss working my region on my behalf.) and Maui Jim (my forever Ohana). People who have mailed me activities, games, anonymous jokes, hillarious cards, candles, mugs, and yummy coffee! When I sound strong. It is because of ALL of you. I am scared, I am weak... I am just one human facing a big dragon called stage 4 colon cancer. I am also just a girl, standing with an army behind her- realizing WE got this. 💪🏻 Realizing I don’t need to be afraid, I just unfortunately have to take the steps- take the pokes- take the drugs. You all are so graciously sharing the load, the burdens... and walking in step right alongside me. Thank you. Today I choose (like everyday) to be a fighter- to walk in HOPE- to give myself grace. So...Saturday I am cutting my long hair short, it’s falling out rapidly. (Whoops!) It’s just hair- but I’ve always had long hair... Why have I shed more tears over hair?!! Ugg. My dear friend Melissa (owner of ‘Pure Hair’ in West Seattle) is coming to my house- mimosas will be made, a few tears may be shed, but she is going to help this next transition be a less traumatic one. Life is short- soon my hair will be short and sassy also! 🤣 Much love to my massive “rope team”- Thank you for walking alongside me, and making me a stronger person! - Sarah Ps. I do read all of your comments, emails etc. 😍 I’ve just been a champion sleeper lately on chemo! Round #2 of chemotherapy Folfox treatment is dripping into my system currently. 🙄 I am actively fighting cancer sitting down?! 💪🏻 Boom. I was VERY nervous today to show up to the infusion room... the “air” up there last time was so depressing. 🙁 People looked sick, people looked like they were dying...people looked sad. I think I have decided I may have a “calling”- if I am going to spend so much of my life in this room every-other week for the next TWO years. I have the opportunity to make it better for others. (And myself.) I’m going to start working on “ideas.” Lets talk hair... I have a less than 20% chance I’m going to loose my hair on my chemo regimen. (Yeah!!!) Funny thing, with every application and every drug I receive they tell me the “common” side effects to expect- and although they find this slightly funny... I’m almost always the opposite. (Ie.) Expect diarrhea - I get extremely constipated. Expect being cold- I am sweating, like old lady hot flashes. Expect nerve pain- I get random twitchy fingers and trigger finger, but no nerve pain. I’m HOPEING I am actually not going to lose my hair as indicated, but let’s be honest. So far, I am learning to expect nothing... and rest heavily in HOPE. If I do lose my hair- EXPECT me to rock a red wig- like the little mermaid! Today my support crew was much smaller- just Mom and I. 😊 So today, I’m teaching her finally how to play cribbage. Friends and family, I plan on hosting one lonnnngggg cribbage tournament over these next few months/years. Mondays. If your interested, you’re invited. 👍🏻 let me know! Kyle flew home a week ago, back to AZ to finish up flight school. I miss him, but I’m proud of him, and want him to finish up strong. Accessing my port gives me lots of anxiety- it’s a hole to my heart and with all the conversations around; MRSA, infections, sterile, blood clots etc- this port terrifies me. It also is the tool necessary to save my life. (It’s also a tool that can quickly take my life.) I need to learn to wrap my mind around that fact, and embrace it. Todays poke was better than the last and, hopefully they just get better. I’m now hearing the “woosh-woosh” of my portable pump pushing the 4th chemo 5-FU in me... We are being discharged for the day. (4.5 hours at the oncologist infusion room.) I will wear this pump for the next 48 hours- and it will keep pushing Chemo until Wednesday afternoon. (Sigh) I can do this. I can. We we are going to head home- it’s time to nap. It’s time to kill this cancer. Mother’s Day was yesterday, I have wanted nothing more than being a Mom my entire life. ❤️ I love babies- I love family. I want to beat this with the HOPE that my story includes just that. You see, this cancer?! This is not my story, it is just a chapter. Albeit long- it’s a chapter. It’s not the whole book. 💪🏻 One day, hopefully, I will get the opportunity to be a Mom, and if I’m even half as good at it as my Mom?! I’d consider myself lucky. She is one of the most selfless, kind, loving people I know. When I found out I had Cancer, her first words of total sincerity were, “I wish it was me, I wish I could take this from you.” I remember looking at her, tears in my eyes and informing her that, “We are not in the Hunger Games, and there can be no tribute.” This is MY fight. But team, thank you. I know I do not go this alone. It seems daily that some small sweet surprise arrives. A random perfect gift, a funny joke in the mail, a card of encouragement, beautiful flowers, a book of inspiration- I have such a tribe of people loving me from so many distant places. This chapter, it’s long- it’s winding, it’s messy... but it’s also beautiful. The wine tastes sweeter. The flowers smell better. The sunsets are more magical. The hugs from my niece and nephews linger longer. The conversations are deeper. LIVE deeply. LIVE intentionally. Don’t waste this precious gift of a day. 💕 Life keeps going- Bills keep coming- I’m walking in faith that THIS process will work. I trusting- and have zero control of my outcome- but I own my attitude. https://www.gofundme.com/battle-colon-cancer-with-Sarah Cancer feels like one of those epic roller coaster rides. The ones you have be to an adult or very tall adolescent to ride. Your adrenaline starts pumping as you get closer to the boarding line... You hear others before you screaming in excitement - and others pure fear. It’s finally your turn to board, you step on and they lock down the massive over the shoulder harness... and you’re off!
The past 5 weeks I have had (4) surgeries and 23 doctors appointments! All of those were just the “minor” adventures, the small ‘hills’ leading up to the slow “click-click-click” as the cancer roller coaster slowly rises to the top of the BIG hill, the hill that will drop you in a face-first flying plummet, spin you upside down, and send you for the ultimate “loop-to-loop”.... Today I finally crested the hill and let out a faint ‘weeeeee’ as I started my intense, every other week- FulFox Chemotherapy treatments. All of the other procedures and surgeries were a ‘build up’ and preparation for today. Day #1 of Chemotherapy is almost in the books. (3) different Chemos- (3) hours of infusion, a cribbage game, and lunch later- and I was sent home with a 4th Chemo on my hip for a 48 hour infusion. (Yes folks, I now wear a heavy, large fanny pack- all day and all night with a fatty needle into my port hole!) Good thing the 80s are coming back- fanny packs are becoming all the rage! 💪🏻 I'm feeling okay... very tired, and slightly weak. My muscles ache like I have the flu, but I’m not feeling extra nauseous (yet.) I am very thankful for that, and just enjoyed a nice dinner of hot salmon salad on open-faced toast! (Thanks Jake and Jeni for the Salmon!) We have so many yummy, lovely left overs from my “Pre-Chemo” party we randomly hosted yesterday! I was blown away by the number of amazing people who came to laugh with me, eat with me, and give the best hugs! Again, thank you everyone for loving me and my family SO well. As for the pathology news we have ALL anxiously awaited for nearly 4 weeks since my tumor removal- I met with Dr. Buhler, Kyle, and my folks prior to the chemo infusion. She went over how my pre-chemo blood tests were excellent- and that I looked very good and healthy! (Yeah mission Vitamin D, Maui Style!!) 🌴🙌🏻😊 She then said, “As for the tumor markers, YOUR TUMOR TESTED NEGATIVE FOR THE B-RAF mutation!!” Amen 🙌🏻 It’s a miracle!!!!!!!!!! God is good. 😍 I guess I am positive for a ‘K Ras’ mutation, but that is not a “negative” and just changes one of my meds I will recieve later in treatment. So, here we are. Sitting on the couch- Netflix about to start, listening to the ‘woosh, woosh, woosh’ of the portable pump push life saving poison into my body- marveling at the past 5 weeks, and wondering just what lies ahead. Paint Your faces BLUE. Prepare to fight this battle HARD with me- I have so much living left to do. Drink deeply in life friends- make time for what matters. Drink deeply the time spent with those you love. Book that trip. Go to the appoinment you are scared of... laugh at the jokes YOU find funny. Wear what makes you feel beautiful. Climb that mountain. Take that hike. Live freely, no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow. Don’t delay- please promise me YOU will choose to LIVE a bit more- if it is even only more intentionally. ❤️😘 Good night my friends- What a beautiful tribe I have behind me. I KNOW I am not alone. I love Island time. It takes awhile to transition to the slower paced, I’m not in a hurry, let’s sit for a bit lifestyle- but when it happens? It’s sweet.
For an entire wonderful week we do not have a single Doctors appoinment- procedure, or surgery. Amen!! 🙌🏻 Kyle and I arrived Monday night and were exhausted- I feel like packing for this trip was so tricky for me... A.) I was not planning on an April Hawaiian vacation. B.) My body is weird’ish now... my “go-to” clothes don’t fit well, or rub my port and my tummy incision etc. Even my basics, like my swimsuits all hit in the wrong spots. 😝 C.) Meds, baindaids, wound cleaners, masks... My once “easy” packing became this exhausting task of trying not to forget cruicial stuff. 🤷♀️ Poor Kyle has been with me since the day after my diagnosis, 4 weeks ago. He flew here with very little! We did a random late night run to Target for a swimsuit and a pair of shorts! All that said.. I am SO happy to be here- In one of my happy places- With one of my favorite people. I am trying to be present in every moment. Smell every flower- stand in the water... feel the sunshine on my face and shoulders. I am intentionally DRINKING DEEP these days on Maui. No cancer update on this blog post folks. Just about life and the joy of living it! ❤️ Tonight we get to go on an amazing real ‘date’ to the Lahaina Grill (courtesy of my Aunt and Uncle and Calvin and Farron Curry!) What a special treat! The weather called for wind and rain today- but we were given sunshine and turtles! (Dont trust what you read on the internet folks!! Not with cancer, or weather predictions...If you do, you may miss out on some glorious living!) 😎 So... on our 3rd’ish day of ‘operation vitamin D.’ I write you from the beach- sitting on DT Fleming in Maui... salty skinned, slightly sunburnt- while Kyle fishes off the south bluffs. I’ve forgotten a few times today that I have Stage 4 colon Cancer. and THAT. That is a good thing. So many Mahalos to everyone for your words of wisdom and support. Thank you for loving on me (Kyle and my family) so well, so tangibly. Thank you for believing with Us...HOPING with us. It really does make a difference. (I read everyone of your comments!) I am not so nieve to know that there WILL be rough, cloudy and less easy ‘sunshiny’ days ahead- Those are the days I will look to ALL of you for the words of encouragement- hope- perseverance. I promise... I am very aware I do not, and can not go this journey alone. I love to dream... and today I feel like I’m living in one. 😎🙏🌴 Highlights?! GREAT friends on the Island- quality conversations, and epic encouraging words! Sweet baby snuggles, walks through tropical gardens, flowers... and sleeping in! (Come on, solid sleep is a definite WIN!)) 💪🏻 It is so good to see so many from my Ohana! ❤️ So this past week seems like a big blur. Monday started out with my chemo port installation surgery. This procedure proved to be the scariest so far for me- all of the inherent risks seemed to psyc me out. (More than I should let it.) They warned me of clotting, swelling, and infections that could go systemic quickly. I kept reminding myself (as tears quietly rolled down my cheeks during pre-op) “Sarah, this port could save your life- these people are fighting to SAVE your life!” My port surgery was a bit traumatic because I was apparently “resistant” to the meds they were going to use to put me under. (A small number of people are.) After 2.5 full doses, the doctor had them drape my face, and nurses held me down and they injected lidocaine shots into my chest and peck region- I was WIDE awake, alert, and felt every stingy poke! 😢 They then did the procedure as a nurse sat, holding my hand and looking at me as I cried softly under my hood. It was traumatic- but it is also finished. I am okay, and this port WILL save my life. 💪🏻 It just currently feels like an Elephant kicked me in the chest! Tuesday was another small procedure, but still another IV and a quick “nap” under more anesthesia. Later in the day was my oncologist appoinment, chemo pharmacist appoinment, and oncology nurse appoinment. Mom, Dad, and Kyle attend these with me. It is helpful to have lots of ears during important meetings. I think we all entered the Oncology appoinment apprehensively. This is where we would find out the results of my PET scan, and possibly learn if my tumor carried either of the two “chemo” resistant indicators. The time had come, and my Oncologist Dr. Buhler said, “Your PET scan was completely CLEAR- crossing it with your CT scan I see no need to rush Chemotherapy's start this Friday.” My heart jumped! I felt like everyone in the room took a deep breath- this was the first good news! ❤️🙌🏻 She let us know that I need to do a full colonoscopy prior to Chemos start, and one was booked for Friday April 27th- Just 5.5 weeks post bowel dissection surgery?! (The colonoscopy is the least of my worries at this point! Funny how time, situation, and circumstance can change so much in ONE month?!) The worst part about the colonoscopy is the prep... the terrible drink that makes you run to the bathroom constantly, best part?! The peace of mind, and the “Michael Jackson” sleep drug you get- that one works for me and I wake up feeling like a million bucks! Chemos official start date is April 30th. 🤢 She also let us know that the additional pathology for the tumor indicators had not returned yet, and could take up to a month. I will take this good news and not dwell in the unknown waiting. Then- she looked at Kyle, Mom, Dad and I and said- “Leave. Take a trip. Go get your vitamin D levels high... You have two weeks before aggressive chemo starts and you will not be able to travel for the long, foreseeable future.” Apparently high levels of vitamin D are a big deal for Chemo patients, and I am seriously iridescent currently! 😳 We sat stunned. She informed us that she was serious and we “Needed to make this happen.” Once Chemotherapy starts it will be every other week... 3x a week- for a long undefined time. Yes, I asked... we are talking more than 6 months, every-other-week. Sooo, with flight miles, helpful family, crazy deals, and amazing friends giving us a free place to stay- Kyle and I are flying to Maui early Monday morning for one week?! Sunshine, walking, sleeping, and surgery recovery here we come. LIFE IS MOVING SO FAST. This story, this ride, this crazy adventure is writing itself- One day at a time. Please pray that the flight would be “uneventful” for me- my port is still very sore, my body is squishy, and much weaker than 1 month ago... but I’m always down for an adventure, and if vitamin D is ordered... I will try to get as much as possible. 😍 Pray for sunshine! We then met with the chemotherapy pharmacist for about 2 hours... this meeting was called “conscious consent” and it was a bit daunting- slightly funny- plus equal parts overwhelming. We learned of my Chemotherapy “plan”- ALL of the products they would be putting in me, methods, and how often... We talked in-depth of the side effects, what to expect... and fears. I’ll save you lots of time, and words. To boil it down the game will be ugly. The style will be very aggressive (not one they would use on Eldery Colon cancer patients.) The goal is LIFE. Ready?! Breathe. Let’s go. The basic mission? Balance med induced constipation, with med induced diareaha and vomiting. Try not to lose more than 30% of your body weight- and let’s totally KILL this Cancer. ❤️ This weeks high-lights! Epic meal train meals- quality time with solid, long term, encouraging friends...finishing my planter boxes! (Hoping to plant tomorrow!) Table dancing babies and time with cousins - family I love. Life is sweet, and lately, the wine tastes sweeter. Live deeply friends. Live intentionally deeply. Chemo Port was successfully installed this Monday. I hurt, but I’m home... with ALL the port risks, this thing also offers ALL the hope for kicking cancers butt. It’s actually fished into my heart, and will distribute the chemotherapy soon. 💪🏻🙌🏻 Time to go home and rest... So much LOVE to you all!
My Dad, Mom and Kyle worked on my yard Monday after surgery and posted me up in the sunshine. Apparently vitamin D is good for Cancer peeps!? Ill post more soon, but here’s the first part of this week! ❤️-Sarah P.S. Pray my body and heart accept the port, quit fighting to clot around it, and go back to regular beats. Such an awesome scientific tool... I’d also love prayers for the pain... this thingy seems to hurt like an elephant punched me in the chest. Also, This weekends HIGHLIGHTS... include my awesome neighbors stopping in and checking on me while Kyle was gone over the weekend. An epic laughter filled dinner with my girl cousins (full of HOPE, prayers and tears.) Mark and his girlfriend Amber stopping in to cheer me up/visit! Plus- lots of high quality naps!! 💤💤💤 Celebrate the small victories folks! ❤️ I do not google. Maybe I should have for my PET scan today, but I didn’t. I don’t want to get in ‘my head’ and worry about things that may/or may not be in MY story. When this entire process started (not even a month ago!!) 😳 I couldn’t sleep, so I’d google, and discover fears I never knew could have exsisted. I avoid this practice now! This multiplied quickly as people would send me terrifying articles privately through Facebook and email. (Ps. Please don’t do that, lol.) So today, I had my first PET scan... basically an awkward, painful experience all around. When Kyle and I showed up I thought I’d be drinking a yucky substance like my CT scan...oh, was I wrong! 🤕 This one is RADIOACTIVE and injected into my veins through a phatty IV. I’m a bit over people placing IV ports in me...but I also know they are trying to SAVE MY LIFE and these pokes, jabs, stings are just making me stronger- 💪🏻 (and I’m pretty sure if I was to walk through an airport scanner today, it would be awesome- I’d light up their machine!!) Quickly following my IV installation, I was informed of need a catheter. WHAT?! I’m awake!! Yup, due to the portions of my body they were looking at- I’d need a catheter... Oh, and zero anesthetic. 😳 I was told, “This will be uncomfortable...” Holy freaking goodness- understatement of the century. Ugg. Then they turn out the lights. You lay alone in a pitch black room trying ‘not to panic’ after they inject you with a syringe that arrived in a metal container with a “radioactive” label (like the Simpsons!) pasted to the side. The techs are all dressed in protective clothes as they administer this into your bare arm... and all you have on is a hospital gown. I felt a bit exposed... but, again... they are trying to save MY life. I forget this... because I really don’t “FEEL” sick- Until all these surgeries, treatments, procedures... I didn’t even look sick. (Now, I’m so pale!! Like iridescent... I need some color people!) They have poked all my excellent veins so many times, they have retreated and hide, like “Heck, no... vampire doctors.” This brings me to Monday- Monday is my next Surgery, checking in at 7:00am. I will get my chest installed Chemo port- to help “limit” the pokes and have a constant available vein for blood draws and chemo administration. I hold HOPE. I honestly DO NOT believe Cancer is, or will be MY story. It’s a major bump, a hurdle, a pain (literally) but... it does not define ME. Taking the next steps... next. What my days “look” like you ask? Appointments, naps, more appointments... petting my cute cats... cribbage games...watching movies, house projects being worked on by Kyle. Friends stopping in (cheering me up, making me laugh, plus bringing yummy food!!) ❤️ Thank you friends and family for hoping with me- and LOVING me so well through these long days of waiting. It’s a bit ironic that Easter this year fell on April Fools. Easter is all about Jesus, his resurrection, and joyful NEW life...I read so many funny posts from friends who also celebrated by hiding vegetables in Easter Eggs, and other fun, harmless, silly jokes.
I wish I could say that my cancer was actually a TERRIBLE April Fools joke. I wish more of my doctor appointments focused on “Life” and less on preparations and “what if” cenarios. It’s a fine line to walk- Not wanting to be the ostrich with your head in the sand, but also avoiding running all the way down the field (medically speaking). It’s a daily decision to stay in the moment, appoinment by appoinment- taking each day, and every test, one at a time. Otherwise, it gets swampingly overwhelming. Its been a solid, solid week since I wrote a blog post- I’m just wading through doctor offices, medical appointments, and surgery clearances. Last Tuesday March 27th, during my 1st Oncology appointment - I sat nervously in the room with my parents and boyfriend- I was causally informed that my cancer stageing has been adjusted. I was no longer Stage 3B, I had been elevated to Stage 4 Colon Cancer. The next 3.5 hours of conversations, consultations, questions etc resulted in a mix of blood pumping in my ears, and the voice of ‘Charlie Browns Mom’ in the background. Thankful for Kyle and my folks, and the notes they took. Ultimately, pathology came back and of the 39 lymph nodes they took during surgery only 1 presented cancer! (That’s good! I think...) The 4-5 other biopsied sights in my abdominal wall that looked discolored or questionable all came back positive for tumor transfer. 😞 That being said... we felt very well taken care of, heard, and informed during one of the hardest doctors appointments of my life. We were informed that more pathology was going to be done on my tumor and that 2 specific indicators were being checked for- If I presented either of those my tumor would be considered “untreatable” as both those indicators have been classified as Chemo resistant. (WE are praying I do not have either of those tumor indicators!!) ❤️ Instead of our families traditional Easter Church Service and Brunch, plus ‘egg hunt’ at my Aunt Sues- My Brothers, Kyle, sister-in-law and brothers girlfriend and I decided to keep things small and run away to Cannon Beach for two nights to a rented beach house. I can’t get sick these next few weeks- and being around large groups of people and sick kiddos wasn’t really an option. The long car trip was a bit exhausting with my large incision bouncing around- but we made it and it felt great to have sunshine on my face and sand between my toes! 😍 Our trip was wonderful- full of laughs, lots of coffee, naps, sunsets, and excellent conversations. Next steps: 3 Doctors appointments today (writing this while waiting in a parking lot currently!) 😜 PET scan this Thursday. 1 Doctor appoinment Friday Monday 9th:Chemo Port surgery Tuesday 10th: Oncologist Appoinment Wednesday 11th: Doctors appoinment and small procedure. Thursday 12th: CT and 2nd Colonoscopy Then... we start aggressive Chemo. 💪🏻 Thank you so much to my meal train participants (we are eating well!) and my go-fund me donators. I am blown away by the support I’m receiving through all of this!! |
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